I’d been really looking forward to that massage — my body needs it.
Both: The two.
But when I realized that she — my friend-slash-masseuse — had forgotten our appointment, I felt space inside my body that suggested something of alternate importance.
That location in my chest is where I feel things, under my collarbone, heart cavity connected. It’s full of white — (I can feel & see the color when I close my eyes) — spacious gold, clear space & oxygen with room to breathe.
I’ve learned to tune into that body-feel over the last few years, for reasons & in stories I’ll share a million heart-joy times later.
For now, let’s leave it at: I’ve learned to listen to those hue-vibrations & that sound. They generate inside of me, within the mitochondria of my cells.
When it happens, there’s usually stillness, especially at first.
Then body tingle.
And then my body speaks to me: My spirit congeals with the conglomeration of my internal wisdom — & they become soul-shout.
It’s the most wondrous thing & also the most simple-basic — the same you have inside of you.
I started wanting that kind of self-presence several years ago.
At the time, I was a big-time subscriber to all-things-mindfulness-and-self-help. Morning pages, daily meditation, gratitude lists out the wazoo. You likely know the drill — & much of it’s a good one. But in the midst of all my cultivated daily habits — many of which I talk about in my first book, 30 Ways to Happy: When trying to be perfect stops being fun — I started realizing I was missing something.
Whatever it was, I was famished for it.
As I gradually started to tune in to those desires, my starve-hunger revealed itself. It wasn’t actually complicated. I just wanted the ability to stay connected with my internal wisdom. To live inside the present moment.
I was tired of being told what to do.
It felt like being told there was something wrong I needed to fix.
I wondered what a different kind of living would be like.
If I swapped out my to do lists, how would I live my life?
How would I feel if I released myself from the anxious go-go-go?
While I couldn’t quite say it then, I famish-craved the essence that only generates inside what I now-know to be ‘Caitlin’s authentic self’ — that lives in full, pulsating, nipples-pointed vitality.
I couldn’t get it from listening to someone else. I had to tune… in.
I also needed support from others.
And that brings us to the purpose of this site
… And of these words — whether in speaking, writing, in-person coaching opportunities, or on podcast & video: To create that vibrant community & celebrate that thing that lives inside all of us:
Our feminine radiance.
Can you tell I like that word right now?
Seriously, take a moment to feel it in your body. I feel it on my upper back, above my lats, as if the word acknowledges a set of wings. I also feel it in my abdomen, my source of fertility, inside the wetness of my walls. I feel expansion & alertness in my chest.
I am a woman.
So are you.
CaitlinRoberson.com shares stories & tools that celebrate what makes you uniquely you, a radiant woman. Some contributions will be ‘named’; others will be anonymous. Subject matter? Whatever’s on our minds.
We celebrate the radiant woman-parts that aren’t acknowledged as much as we’d like in modern-day feminism, the mindfulness movement & conversations about self-actualization.
We don’t tell you to lean farther in;
Or manifest your inner tiger mom;
Or hold her back, to protect your kids.
We won’t going to say what you should or shouldn’t do. (We all would be far better off if we ‘should’ on ourselves less.) Instead of encouraging group-think, we discourse about the different strains that make individual women breathtakingly beautiful. They’re the source of our affluence, these emotions & cellular wisdom. Our creativity & art.
How’s this for ironic?
I’ve worked a long time to relax — hence my habit of massage: to schedule relaxation, at least in part. For the ability to simply look in the mirror or internally at myself & mean what I’m about to say to you.
(… And I say this calmly, with a vibrating-with-truth interior. Because I know this — in my spirit, in my body, in my emotions, in my intellect, in all of my cells.)
I love you, woman.
You are home.
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