Imposter Syndrome?! A Framework for Effortless Confidence

CONFIDENCE: Wanna *hear* about confidence instead of read? Sign up for the CR Insider Newsletter & I’ll email you when The Radiant Feminine podcast debuts.   Hey woman, I spoke with a group of female entrepreneurs in Memphis about effortless confidence several months ago. When I finished sharing the framework I use, a woman asked a great […]

CONFIDENCE: Wanna *hear* about confidence instead of read? Sign up for the CR Insider Newsletter &

I’ll email you when The Radiant Feminine podcast debuts.

 

Hey woman,

I spoke with a group of female entrepreneurs in Memphis about effortless confidence several months ago. When I finished sharing the framework I use, a woman asked a great question: How do you get rid of Imposter Syndrome?

The room got quiet. Our collective silence showed how much we all wanted to know the answer.

A morning several weeks before came to mind.

A crisis of confidence… about confidence

It had been a beautiful morning — early summer, late spring. The kind I loved. I planned to use it recording a video overview of that very Memphis talk.

I set my phone on top of a pile of books & leaned it against my computer to record a selfie-video:

It was good. It was fine. It was good enough.

But then I visualized women watching it.

What will they think of that one particular joke? The way I’ve done my hair? Hmm… Am I too soft & friendly? Is it too obvious I want them to like me? Maybe I should channel more authority — be more forceful.

Wait, that might alienate them.

Maybe purple with help?

Nope…

More work-style clothes?

94 video shots later — & yes, I know that because I counted — fear had completely taken over. My pulse was racing & my heart specialized in a particularly-alarming sort of thud. My head? Full on gerbil-brain, spin, spin, spin. My left temple is intimately familiar with that very intense migraine-like sensation in such crisis-of-confidence moments.

I can’t do this today, I had said out loud. I don’t feel confident.

I then called it quits.

How to get rid of Imposter’s Syndrome

Back in that Memphis room, standing near the podium in that room with 75 killer women, I felt a wave of appreciation & compassion for the woman who’d asked the question. She acted on courage when she made herself that vulnerable with her peers. No wonder she was an entrepreneur.

I wanted to recognize her for her humanity & acknowledge her power.

Oh, honey, I said. We all feel that way. I feel that way all the time.

I cupped my hands & held them out, gesturing to myself as if I were inside. When I feel that way, I hold myself as gently as possible. And I literally speak to myself, sometimes in front of the mirror looking in my own eyes.

I see you, I said to my hands, demonstrating. I see you & I accept you. It’s okay to feel afraid. I love you here in this place & I’ll love you after you work through it.

I could feel the room agree. We all started to breathe again.

I re-stated her question: How do we get rid of Imposter Syndrome? The answer is, we don’t.

I re-summarized the five steps of my framework for effortless confidence one more.

A framework for effortless confidence

Do you ever feel like you aren’t confident enough? That you’re not really going for it? All kinds of beliefs & permission-seeking behaviors prevent us from living lives we want — muting the vibrant love, affluence-producing careers, & transformational relationships we’re meant to enjoy.

By this point, it goes without saying that I can also often say,

Hey. Hell-to-the-yea, I often feel that, too.

That’s exactly why I’ve systematized a framework to get through those moments — for discovering & uprooting artificial expectations; explore fresh, authentic priorities; and develop a tangible action plan to live yourself into the life you want.

  1. Redefine confidence
  2. Know what you want to be confident in, specifically
  3. Pinpoint & dissolve permission-seeking behaviors, artificial expectations & self-limiting beliefs that get in the way
  4. Replace them by applying your internal wisdom & intuition to explore fresh, authentic priorities
  5. Develop a tangible action plan & accountability to live yourself into the life you want

All of our personal narratives include these excuses-slash-self-limiting-beliefs at some point or another. Our job (& joy) is to catch & reframe them before they become-self-minimizing-behaviors that prevent us from living lives we want.

I don’t know about you; I much prefer to shatter glass ceilings.

Now, I’d LOVE to hear from you: What’s got you freaked-out afraid & what are you doing to become its champion? What have you learned from how you’ve overcome fear in the past?

What’s coming

Tune back in over the coming weeks & months as I share my process for working through Imposter Syndrome… and using freak-out moments as catalysts for personal growth. The content will be here & The Radiant Feminine podcast.

We publish content on the 30th of every month, in honor of 30 Ways to Happy (my first book on Amazon, Audible, iTunes & Kindle). Sign up for the CR Insider newsletter to hear when new content is available. We’ll also sometimes send ya other invites & resources — duh, for free.

Next time, I’ll share the video I ended up (finally) using & the talk I gave that day in Memphis. 

Until then… here is:

Love ya like Bey’s XO, C

LEAVE A COMMENT

  1. William Wong 7 months ago Reply

    I’ve led conversations with people of countless degree and every time I feel like an imposter. In fact, after working in San Francisco at a technology company for two years, I left the industry to pursue a different path mostly due to my imposter syndrome (or I was indeed an imposter?) Either way, It’s definitely something I battle with and grateful to know I’m not the only one!

    I do believe, there is this healthy amount of humility that stems from “imposter syndrome”. Almost like a strange sense of feeling like you don’t belong among the “greats”. With that being said, more than likely a feeling of “imposterness” is likely rooted in some truth. 🙂

    • Caitlin 7 months ago Reply

      I’d bet money that that’s a pretty pervasive experience in Silicon Valley, Will. Some of it’s also related to social media. When you & I look at other people’s feeds, we see the very best moments of their lives, often photoshopped. And we compare those moments to all the normal moments of our own lives. Of course we’re going to emotionally react to the contrast, ya know?

      Appreciate you commenting & sharing. I actually hadn’t thought much about the silver lining of imposter syndrome that you point out. Like most of life’s truths, there seems to be a paradoxical duality there: Know you’re special and know you’re not special.