CONFIDENCE: Wanna *hear* about confidence instead of read? Sign up for the CR Insider Newsletter &
I’ll email you when The Radiant Feminine podcast debuts.
I spoke with a group of female entrepreneurs in Memphis about effortless confidence several months ago. When I finished sharing the framework I use, a woman asked a great question: How do you get rid of Imposter Syndrome?
The room got quiet. Our collective silence showed how much we all wanted to know the answer.
A morning several weeks before came to mind.
A crisis of confidence… about confidence
It had been a beautiful morning — early summer, late spring. The kind I loved. I planned to use it recording a video overview of that very Memphis talk.
I set my phone on top of a pile of books & leaned it against my computer to record a selfie-video:
It was good. It was fine. It was good enough.
But then I visualized women watching it.
What will they think of that one particular joke? The way I’ve done my hair? Hmm… Am I too soft & friendly? Is it too obvious I want them to like me? Maybe I should channel more authority — be more forceful.
Wait, that might alienate them.
Maybe purple with help?
More work-style clothes?
94 video shots later — & yes, I know that because I counted — fear had completely taken over. My pulse was racing & my heart specialized in a particularly-alarming sort of thud. My head? Full on gerbil-brain, spin, spin, spin. My left temple is intimately familiar with that very intense migraine-like sensation in such crisis-of-confidence moments.
I can’t do this today, I had said out loud. I don’t feel confident.
I then called it quits.
How to get rid of Imposter’s Syndrome
Back in that Memphis room, standing near the podium in that room with 75 killer women, I felt a wave of appreciation & compassion for the woman who’d asked the question. She acted on courage when she made herself that vulnerable with her peers. No wonder she was an entrepreneur.
I wanted to recognize her for her humanity & acknowledge her power.
Oh, honey, I said. We all feel that way. I feel that way all the time.
I cupped my hands & held them out, gesturing to myself as if I were inside. When I feel that way, I hold myself as gently as possible. And I literally speak to myself, sometimes in front of the mirror looking in my own eyes.
I see you, I said to my hands, demonstrating. I see you & I accept you. It’s okay to feel afraid. I love you here in this place & I’ll love you after you work through it.
I could feel the room agree. We all started to breathe again.
I re-stated her question: How do we get rid of Imposter Syndrome? The answer is, we don’t.
I re-summarized the five steps of my framework for effortless confidence one more.
A framework for effortless confidence
Do you ever feel like you aren’t confident enough? That you’re not really going for it? All kinds of beliefs & permission-seeking behaviors prevent us from living lives we want — muting the vibrant love, affluence-producing careers, & transformational relationships we’re meant to enjoy.
By this point, it goes without saying that I can also often say,
Hey. Hell-to-the-yea, I often feel that, too.
That’s exactly why I’ve systematized a framework to get through those moments — for discovering & uprooting artificial expectations; explore fresh, authentic priorities; and develop a tangible action plan to live yourself into the life you want.
- Redefine confidence
- Know what you want to be confident in, specifically
- Pinpoint & dissolve permission-seeking behaviors, artificial expectations & self-limiting beliefs that get in the way
- Replace them by applying your internal wisdom & intuition to explore fresh, authentic priorities
- Develop a tangible action plan & accountability to live yourself into the life you want
All of our personal narratives include these excuses-slash-self-limiting-beliefs at some point or another. Our job (& joy) is to catch & reframe them before they become-self-minimizing-behaviors that prevent us from living lives we want.
I don’t know about you; I much prefer to shatter glass ceilings.
Now, I’d LOVE to hear from you: What’s got you freaked-out afraid & what are you doing to become its champion? What have you learned from how you’ve overcome fear in the past?
Tune back in over the coming weeks & months as I share my process for working through Imposter Syndrome… and using freak-out moments as catalysts for personal growth. The content will be here & The Radiant Feminine podcast.
We publish content on the 30th of every month, in honor of 30 Ways to Happy (my first book on Amazon, Audible, iTunes & Kindle). Sign up for the CR Insider newsletter to hear when new content is available. We’ll also sometimes send ya other invites & resources — duh, for free.
Next time, I’ll share the video I ended up (finally) using & the talk I gave that day in Memphis.
Until then… here is:
Love ya like Bey’s XO, C